Bryan and I celebrated our 10-year anniversary a couple weeks ago. Facebook memories kept popping up with gorgeous photos from our wedding in Ocho Rios, Jamaica.

Our wedding was a lively, multiple-day affair, and everyone who traveled with us to Ocho Rios seemed to have a great time. Still, I’m a little bothered by the reason we had to have a destination wedding in the first place: my bipolar.

No one knew that my bipolar was the reason we had a destination wedding. Back then, most people in my life were completely unaware that I had a mental illness. 

A decade ago, I was not public about having bipolar. Bryan and I felt that our personal reasons for having a destination wedding were our own. Yet, knowing that my mental illness was driving our decision might have helped people understand why we wanted to get married so far away.

The stress of having a typical wedding would have been too great for me. I knew I wouldn’t stay stable during the long planning process. Worst of all, the stress could have brought on mania or depression on our wedding day. Alternatively, our destination wedding was such a wonderful, relaxed event that was totally planned out for us by the resort.

Having a wedding in the Caribbean instead of the typical hometown soiree was not without stress or anxiety. Asking people to foot the bill for a tropical vacation in order to attend our wedding was majorly guilt inducing. (We did offer to pay certain people’s way.)

People you fully expect to attend won’t (some will tell you that they’re attending, that they’re booking the trip tomorrow, etc.), and people you don’t expect to attend will. The former weighed heavy on us, but the latter gave us a lovely surprise that revived us a bit.

Like many destination weddings, ours was a small affair: 19 people attended including Bryan and me. Initially around 45 people told us they were attending. Bryan’s family did not attend except for one brother. Some of my family attended but not all, including close family members.

There’s a lot of letdown (on repeat) when you find out people aren’t coming. At the same time, we felt guilty about how they must’ve felt about not being able to attend.

We planned to host a reception near our home after the wedding so that more family and friends could attend. However, we quickly realized how stressful that event would be for us, similar to having a typical wedding. So we didn’t do it, and we felt bad about that as well.

Looking back, Bryan and I still don’t think we could’ve gotten married any other way. Getting married by the Justice of the Peace was not our thing. A small hometown wedding wasn’t an option due to the size of our families. A destination wedding was the best option for us.  

If you are planning to get married and have bipolar or another mental illness, a destination wedding might be the best option for you as well. It is not without its trials, but we had a blast being on vacation with and getting married in front of a fabulous group of loved ones.