(2/7) WHAT IS BIPOLAR?

Bipolar is a mood disorder caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. A flaw in chemistry. It typically emerges in late adolescence or early adulthood and consists of alternating manic and depressive episodes. Some people, like me, are able to find treatment that works, while sadly, others are untreatable.

• Bipolar I (what I have): defined by manic episodes that last at least 7 days or by manic symptoms so severe that immediate hospitalization is necessary. Depressive episodes usually occur as well, typically lasting at least 2 weeks. Mixed episodes (manic and depressive symptoms occurring at the same time) are also possible.
• Bipolar II: defined by depressive episodes and hypomanic episodes, but not the full-blown manic episodes described below. (For more, click here.)

I personally do not experience some of the manic symptoms listed below. I experience only mixed episodes now in place of manic episodes, which are brought on by stress, good (like being excited for a trip) or bad (like finding out a family member is ill).

Manic episode:

• Increased energy, activity, restlessness
• Euphoric mood
• Extreme irritability
• Poor concentration
• *Racing thoughts, fast talking, jumping between ideas
• Sleeplessness
• Heightened sense of self-importance
• Spending sprees
• Increased sexual behavior
• Abuse of drugs, such as cocaine, alcohol, and sleeping medications
• Provocative, intrusive, or aggressive behavior
• Denial that anything is wrong

Depressive episode:

• Sad, anxious, or empty-feeling mood
• Feelings of hopelessness and pessimism
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and helplessness
• Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed, including sex
• Decreased energy, fatigue
• Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
• Restlessness and irritability
• Sleeplessness or sleeping too much
• Change in appetite, unintended weight loss or gain
• Bodily symptoms not caused by physical illness or injury
• Thoughts of death or suicide

I put an asterisk next to racing thoughts, because this is the worst symptom for me. I am an overthinker and overanalyzer by nature, so I already have a lot going on in my head at the best of times. When I have experienced rapidly racing thoughts, it felt like my brain was, at best, overheating and, at worst, frying. It’s painful and scary.

Overall, sleeplessness is the most problematic symptom of mania. The less you sleep, the more the other symptoms worsen, and the longer the episode lasts. Everyone, bipolar or not, needs adequate sleep to function properly.

I haven’t had a full-blown manic or mixed episode in over a decade, thanks to lithium (lithium carbonate), my psychiatrist, and self-care. I do have the occasional low-level mixed episode, which disrupts my everyday life, but most people wouldn’t notice. It might seem like I am having a bad day (I totally am!) or didn’t get enough sleep, that sort of thing. It’s challenging for me and my family, but then weeks pass while I take extra meds (as monitored by my doctor), and it ends.