This new monthly blog series is meant to provide a snapshot into how I’m feeling bipolar-wise and otherwise on any given day.

In terms of bipolar, today I’m feeling very stable and steady. This is the norm for me. I don’t have even the slightest hint of manic symptoms. If I really examine myself, I might be just the tiniest crumb toward the depressed side. That’s not uncommon. I tend to sit more very slightly depressed when I feel stable (is that an oxymoron?). Maybe it’s the effects of the lithium or the Seroquel, or it’s just me, how I’m made. I don’t know.

Otherwise, I’m feeling pretty good but not great. There’s a lot of anticipation and anxiety in my life right now. Work has been an adjustment. Taking on the production editor role for three more journals is a big change, and change is not something I always enjoy. Yet I’m trying hard to adjust and I like a challenge, so we’ll see where it goes.

I had my first Botox treatment for migraines two weeks ago, but yesterday and the day before I had migraines. It can take up to six months for the Botox to work, so I’m being patient. I’m still on all my other migraine meds, which aren’t working well, so I’m really hoping that Botox is the answer.

As for my thoughts, I have shifted from intrusive thoughts about past trauma to negative thoughts at times. I’m trying hard to counteract them and to prove to myself why the negative thoughts aren’t true. I force myself to think about all of the good things in my life.

Still, there is this belief at my core, because of things that have happened to me as well as having bipolar, that I will never be truly happy with myself. I’m in love with my home life, friends, and everything else, but it’s hard not to fall into a pattern of negative thinking when it comes to me.

When I try to counteract that thinking and remind myself of what I have accomplished, I get worried that if I buy in too much, it will turn into grandiose manic thinking. So it’s a bit of a catch-22. I think it’s something that will take a while to work on.

This is how I feel today! How are you feeling? Share in the Comments!